Purging

I’ve been feeling a little bit ungrounded lately, trying to juggle myself between school, life, and all the things in between. Sometimes I feel like I need a respite from it all, just a little more time to allow myself to be… in silence and healing. Sometimes I imagine the strong and gentle arms of the universe cradling me, with warm and loving embrace and a lullaby that calms my heart and soul. I wish I could stay in those moments forever.

The 11 of Diamonds. Walking a thin line, between contrasting worlds. Stress and tension. It may be time to come down and rest.

It may be wise for me to invest in a mental health day, just to lay around in my pjs and read or do something that is carefree. I am in dire need of a recharge. I think that this time of the year always lends itself to letting go of things… it’s a time of purging the old and the worn out. I have been in an intense process of alchemy for some time now, London was a huge part of this, and now that I am back the change continues… but I am now really learning to let go.

Part of me is saddened by this process of letting go because it means that I not only have to let go of worn out ideas and beliefs, but also people. Sometimes we out grow our time together and we have to say goodbye, with love and thanks… we cherish the good that comes with a friendship/partnership and then it’s time to move on and we have to keep the good with us… but it’s never easy.

I have been learning to not take things so personally from other people because we are all doing the best we an at the time, but I am however learning to take better care of myself. I am learning that I teach people how to treat me, how to love me, how to respect me… and if it’s not how I want to be treated then I have to make a change. Now is the time for me to wave goodbye to the old ones, the dying legends. I want to recover the parts of me that have been buried under dust.

For some time I haven’t been writing here because I just haven’t known what to say, but I hope that can change soon. I want to share everything, and I want to know all the facets of your story as well. For me I’ve needed a bit of rest from writing because I’ve needed to be with my feelings on the inside. Lately I haven’t felt that inspired, school especially has been hard. I feel like I am not hearing my muse… and sometimes I feel like I am recycling old ideas. I have always said that the chronic things in our lives are teachers that we have decided to ignore… maybe I should ask myself what I’m not learning.

I know that this time of year is about letting go, like I said we are purging for the rest of winter. How are you feeling? Is there anything that you are trying to let go of? Maybe it would help if you wrote it down somewhere… maybe write an “unsent” letter to yourself, or the person who you are feeling trouble with. Allow yourself to release, even if it feels scary. You will feel much lighter if you trust in the process… I am trying to do that very thing.

Many blessings to all of you… to the gypsies

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 10/10/2011