memento mori

There was something dangerous, sparkling in your eyes. You were hypnotic, like a deadly viper ready to suck the life from my body and soul. I was paralyzed by your poison, the second you touched my lips. I went under softly, quietly. I began to slip away.

There was a numb feeling that lingered heavy in my bones. It made my headache with the sticky sent of sandalwood and perspiration. You were worshipping me, and yet I was the sacrifice that preceded your descent, into the unfaithful underworld. No one knew what you were saying, behind your worlds… only me.

The haunting repeated nightly, the same ritual of sleep, and nightmare, and kiss and touch… and remembering again, and again. The things that could never change; your destiny. You were the one that said, love was the sin. I never questioned one word, nor did I deceive you.

I now know that the truth must be spoken, before the lie becomes too real. So many nights did we lie, never speaking a word of what weighed heavy on our hearts and minds. You were so cold and I was misguided. Two children should never be given a loaded gun, as we blew ourselves beyond recognition of the pure things we once were.

Do you still feel my heartbeat in your ear, as an imprint that will forever live in the scar tissue of your memories? I am not going anywhere, no matter how long it takes for you to get it right. I may change, but haven’t I always been a part of your metamorphosis? You couldn’t get beyond this shadow if you tried, and I thought you were the real king.

Renegades and thieves. They fought to get here to where I held tightly to your china doll eyes. I had everything in my hands, even if I had dropped it a time or two. The cracks were filled. A little memento mori. They can come and say their prayers at night, gently tucked away at my knees. Would you hear them?

The weights are still on me, the heaviness of your body, coiled around mine. I am suffocating. Then I wake up. I see soft, thick smoke, hanging over me in the nighttime. My eyes will never adjust to this madness. You can be a million miles away and even in the darkness of a room, with closed windows and doors… you find me. I lit that candle by my bedside, called on the Gods and dedicated it to your memory.

They dance with the dead sometimes, I hear… down there in the dungeon. You keep going there to repeat your pain. You used to dance with me. If the lips are red, does that mean they are alive? I have looked in the eyes of many dead men… and if you believe the lie just right… they can live again. You were the one dancing with a ghost. You can convalesce your life away.

I hear the moon will grow dark in a few days. So I have nailed all my sorrows and troubles to a board of the purest pine and I have wrapped it in black silk. I will pour vinegar and holy water over it and lay it to rest at the cross roads. Maybe the screaming will subside as Hecate swallows all my pain.

Don’t worry my little sleeping prince, my renegade… even if you are not the real king… I will still believe you. I may say one thing, but read the words behind my lips… that’s where you’ll find the truth. It taste like a bittersweet potion, belladonna and elecampane. Don’t forget me, lingering on your tongue and lips. I will flow into the well of your soul… someday my seeds will grow.

© Shaheen Miro 1/23/2011

Etta James passing

I listened to Etta all day at work yesterday after discovering her passing, and once I got home last night I lit a candle in her honor. I contemplated all the songs I love of hers, and all the people that she has touched. I will have to say my favorite song of hers is Ta Ta Ya Baby, and of course At Last.  But so many of her songs are legendary. Do you have a favorite Etta James song?

The thing I loved about Etta James was her bravery and her unapologetic ay of just being herself. She sang, she drank, she said what she felt and most of all she bared her soul. I never saw her in concert, but I have watched many of her live videos, and her energy and presence were unforgettable. Even in her older age, sitting in her chair, singing… she brought the house down.

There was something so exciting about watching Etta James live. Her videos always make me laugh because she was hilarious and feisty. She wasn’t afraid of being a little naughty or inappropriate, either.

Etta James may have left us, but her music and spirit will live forever. Though her passing was sad, she is in a better place… having fought leukemia and Alzheimer’s disease. Lets remember her as a strong and vibrant singer, a powerhouse and a force to be reckoned with.

I wont dwell on her illness or even how she passed. But I will say that its very sad finding out that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2008. Since that time she has hidden the diagnoses, and continued to perform and appear in the public. Though it may not be an excuse for some of her behavior, it is very telling about her state of mind of the past few years. What a sad thing to battle.

Thank you Etta for your wonderful music and spirit. You have been moving, entertaining and instrumental in the careers of many people. You’re star will continue to shine on us all. Rest in Peace.

© Shaheen Miro 1/22/2011

 

 

 

my week with marilyn

Colin Clark, an employee of Sir Laurence Olivier’s, documents the tense interaction between Olivier and Marilyn Monroe during production of The Prince and the Showgirl.

-IMBD.com

Last night I saw the movie My Week With Marilyn, starring Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe. The movie was strange, abstract and intriguing to me. There was something peculiar about the way the movie was filmed; almost like brief blimps of events strung together, to give us a picture of whom Marilyn Monroe was.

Though I have read briefly about Marilyn Monroe and I know that she had a dark, tortured and introverted side, I never knew the severity of her condition. The movie portrays her in an almost childlike manner. Her interaction with people and the world seemed to be convoluted. She wasn’t just a pretty face, that smiled and made the world light up… she had a very tortured soul.

As I was watching the movie, I started to get the impression that she was a little disturbed, to the point that she may have had some sort of mental disorder; now that’s just my speculation from the film. It was as if she wanted to be convinced that she wasn’t crazy and that she was good enough. It was painful at times to watch her because she seemed so distant, so lost and so misunderstood. People didn’t seem to know how to take her.

Her self-confidence was lacking in a big way, and you could tell in the movie that she almost felt empty… as if Marilyn was some mask that she put on for the world. She seemed conflicted, feeding off the adoration of fans, yet losing herself more and more.

The movie highlighted the contrast between her on film and off, the gap between her ability to captivate once filmed, but her almost inability to “act” in the traditional sense. At times I felt like she was almost possessed by her character… and until that moment when the spirit entered her… nothing could happen.

It must have been a scary life for her. She clearly wanted to be loved, and though the world still adores her… that was never really what she needed. What she was missing was herself. She couldn’t give up the ghost… the longer she went on, the more she lost herself, and the more she needed the camera, the lights and the people.

I can relate to the feeling of living in two worlds, when she said, “Should I be her?” There was something raw and revealing about it. She knew Marilyn was never really who she was… it was her character. We all have characters we play, don’t we?

If you haven’t seen it yet… I suggest you do. It’s interesting. Give it time to grow on you. I wasn’t sure I liked it until the end. Now I feel a connection to her. The woman behind the starlight really spoke to me.

 

© Shaheen Miro 12/18/2012

unfinished business

Memories, feelings and thoughts, left lingering on the edge of your mind and heart. Sometimes they seep into your veins, encompassing every part of you. Looking out at life and seeing the repetitive things that leaves nothing but a sour taste of confusion in your mouth. Wondering what the reason is for this reoccurring ghost.

What is it that keeps you held to this circumstance, this feeling, this person? What is this cycle that you cannot find your way out of? It’s as if some spirits haven’t been appeased, an unsettled force that infiltrates all aspects of your life.

You ignore, fight, push and scream at all these things that you just can’t shake. You look in the mirror, saying to yourself, that you have moved on… the feelings have changed, the situation has changed, your mind has changed… but there is still something to be learned.

This unfinished business isn’t here to torture you. It’s not a curse that you will never break. It’s a teacher in disguise. Sometimes it feels like a wicked devil staring you down… but in many ways it’s your guardian angel taking you deeper into your own spirit. If you hold out this dark night, you will be sure to find strength and empowerment deep within your spirit.

Those things in your life that seem to be chronic, constant and never ending are the things that we haven’t completely learned from. Situations and circumstances cycle through our lives, and the sooner we absorb the essence of their lesson… the sooner the ghost are put to rest and we can move onto the next thing.

Between two lives. Fighting a feeling that I thought had already died. A ghost and a renegade… haunting and taunting. I’ll listen this time… maybe now when I go, it will ease my heart and mind… finally this unfinished business can be laid to rest.

© Shaheen Miro 1/17/2011

let yourself be

Sometimes its difficult to stay grounded in the moment. Responsibilities tend to drag us away from our center. We catch a glimpse of those things that inspire us, and then some other, “more important thing” pulls us away.

Our creativity is a bird fighting to be freed from its cage. We want to feel connected and empowered; yet we put our spirit’s health on the backburner. I am guilty of getting swept away by all the external things in life, the unimportant and conflicting. You have to find those moments of calm in the middle of the storm.  It is in those moments that the most powerful epiphanies will occur.

When you are confused and seeking clarity with no success, stop trying for just a second and allow yourself to be. Do something that brings you joy and relaxes you. Listen to your favorite CD, play an instrument, go for a walk, read a book, draw or paint… anything that allows you to lose track of time.

In those in-between moments, when time seems to sleep away, a door to our inner world opens and we can hear the voice of our intuition. Finding clarity isn’t always about going on some long and drawn out spiritual pursuit. Sometimes the spiritual fix we need is just a few minutes of play.

  • Stop trying, and just be.
  • Lose time for a while. Just PLAY!
  • Remember creativity feeds the soul. Make it a priority.
  • Be mindful of your thoughts, they gauge what you bring into your life.

I learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, 
and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, 
he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. 
- Henry David Thoreau

© Shaheen Miro 1/16/2012

telling everything

I consider this place home in many ways. Here I can share my words, thoughts and feelings. We are all gypsies on a journey… in the world, in our hearts and souls. A little piece of my story is a little piece of yours… like a deck of weathered old cards, a collection of faces, with different meanings, times and messages. I want to tell it all, the dark and the light… every facet of how I see it and feel it. I want to share my stories… and I want to know yours.

Who are the characters that dance in the play of your life? What chapter are you writing, right now? There is something that is unfolding in front of you as you read this, something that is calling to you, something that you are drawing to you. Everything has meaning, every second is filled with magic. Don’t lose those serendipitous moments… don’t ever stop dreaming because when you do… you lose it all. Our dreams are how the universe knows what to give us.

In every great story, there is tension, conflict, and climax. One thing leads to the next, as layers and layers build on each other. What direction are you going in now? Be mindful of everything… read between the lines even. You never know when you will truly stumble upon your dreaming. So please keep following your adventure, with wide eyed wonder and commitment to everything that feels exhilarating.

Never let yourself miss out on a great adventure… those are what lead to the most spell binding, page turning stories. This moment right now is a piece to your legacy, something that will grow into a powerful collection of myths and memories. Tell it all to the world… more importantly, live it all. Fall in love every chance you get, walk down the crooked roads, take the slow rides and say everything that you want to say.

I can’t stop smiling, dreaming and dancing with all the wonderful things I am finding here in New York City. There are memories wrapping around me like soft, silk velvet… they are layering over me becoming a part of my being. I know that this is a place that will lead me to my wild and crazy dreams.

One night is enough… to carry on the feeling. A living, breathing memory. A winter night… I felt beautiful under your light… the soft glow of your touch will hang onto every part of me… This is a part of my New York City… -Shaheen Miro 

With love… to the gypsies…

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 116/2011

changing, again

The constant and reoccurring things in life become our teachers. Sometimes subtle and sometimes shuttering, the message works hard to get through to us. We have stubborn minds, and closed hearts. We ignore what we see in front of us, until the message is screaming. Be still and listen.

Treading cautious at the heels of change and the future. When it seems too clouded in mystery we grow fearful, we lock ourselves away. Embrace the ride. Know that it’s time to let go of something. I see the cycles in my own life, how I outgrow one thing in order to embrace another. Sometimes I fight it… but the change will come sooner or later.

Close your eyes, and open your heart. Listen to what is being whispered in the winds of change. Lift up your wings and set out on those winds. The wind can be crazy, especially if you fight it, but you can glide with ease by trusting. There is no reason our hearts and minds have to fight the change. It is our nature to metamorphosis.

This big city is filled with lights, and stars, and hopes and fears. It is a huge womb, dark and encompassing. It’s walls confine and protect, cultivate and transmute. Here is a place where I can change. Now is a time when we are all changing, again.

-Shaheen

 

© Shaheen Miro 1/12/2012

new york dreaming

It’s a dream. That’s what this is here, New York City. I dreamt it long before, sometime toward the end of high school, I found myself wondering the streets of this concrete jungle thinking, “This is home!” I never thought I would be back here so fast… Living, breathing, and creating.

There is a hum that lives in everything here, the walls, and the streets… the people. The hum of a warm engine, a ticking time bomb, or a soft, baby kitten. Some people are cold and harsh and others are bright and open… regardless they all move fast. The thing I love about this city is that in the fast pace of it all, an in-between place exists where anything can happen… that’s where I dream.

There are things that can be a little unfavorable, such as a stampede of people at lunchtime, practically running you over, or wondering upon a puff of toxic, stench during your evening stroll for dinner… but with the good comes the sour. It’s like that in all cities. Some say you can’t see the stars, but I see them in millions of passing faces. Some say there is never peace, but I find it in the lively conversations of elderly couples on the streets. There is magic here.

I love my job. I enjoy the people I work with and the environment. Everyone is funny and positive. There is a general sense of wellbeing there. Good natured and positive intentions. I feel relaxed at work… a contrast from my previous internship. There is less creativity involved… but you know I bring a little color wherever I go.

New York city is teaching me that there is an opportunity wherever you look. Opportunities come to those who seek them out. It’s not necessarily where you are, but what you are putting out there… here there are so many wavelengths to ride on. There is something for everyone. I will keep that with me. That knowing.

My third day here, I met Patti Smith. She is a rock legend, a poet and a powerhouse of moody and evocative feelings. I felt like another muse had come down to whisper in my ear. There is something mystical about meeting the faeries of the rock and roll other world… Stevie Nicks in London, Patti Smith in New York City.  To say the lease… I was moved!

My spirit has been calling out to touch and taste something exotic. I want to consume books, images, people… I want to take in all the sights, etching them into my psyche. I see faces in the streets and I want to tell their stories. I want to tell my story. Here is the start of an amazing journey. I continue to transform… I am in a constant state of Alchemy (we all are).

New York City is a huge light, a candle burning, attracting spirits in pursuit of dreams. Sometimes it is intimidating, you feel like you are drowning in a sea of a million other lights… they shine, they beg to be seen and they disappear into the pool of nothing, everything, anything. You have to be like water here… and just go with the flow. There is no room for rigidity or fear… those are the things that break you. Those are the things that snuff your light all together. I say this as I stand at the threshold. I pray for the strength to hold tight… to continue to shine.

To the Gypsies… with love always

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 1/11/2012