Tonight I sit here with the cool breeze blowing through the lace of my windows and I feel something wild and explosive. I hear the people chattering below me on the streets and it slowly fades into the drowning hum of my own thoughts that race at a million miles a minute. I stop for one second remembering that I am almost 4,000 miles away from home and at some points I feel worlds away and at others I feel so isolated that its like I am back at home.
Baby Ali climbing places that I tell him not to!
I am reminded of my best friend saying to me, “You don’t have to be somewhere to be someone.” And now my retort is, “You don’t have to be somewhere to be no one. Either.” I honestly feel at times that I am so isolated even in the crowded streets of London. The same slow ride to work and the same hastily walk home…. And I ask myself where is the color?
I have felt so stifled because my creativity as begging to be let loose. I have been working for days doing my internship, which has been amazing because of the magnitude at which I am learning. But it takes its toll on your hear and spirit. I want to write and sing. I want to take my seat at a shiny grand piano and touch the ivory keys… the surge of creativity running through my veins; and I want to sing…songs about life and love and loss and all the other feelings that crawl through every fiber of your being asking to be acknowledged.
I keep hearing the words, “Fearless” in my mind. Like a ghostly whisper that calls to me from somewhere far away… just be fearless. I affirm to myself, “I am fearless… I am fearlessly being me.” But I shrink back from the mirror at the look in my eyes… because I know that there are parts of me that are terrified to step off that ledge to just being.
I believe our fears are the killers of our creativity. So many times something bright and colorful and ephemeral has come to me like a fairy vision…and I have let it fly on by because I feared the consequence of answering to the call. I now realize that in order to live a life filled with the biggest dreams… we must be brave and wild and uninhibited. We must look our fears straight in the eyes and say, “I will not let you take me… I will fight you… Because I will NOT be taken prisoner…”
Its when we find all the might in our little gypsy souls to just stand out and be brave, that we finally make magic. I know its scary… its scary to answer to the call of our creativity and our inspiration because that may mean being alone… it may mean standing out. You may be looked at because you are “different” or “strange” or whatever labels that FEAR causes us to put on things… but when you do it you become a force that cannot be tamed… you become like the wind taking down everything in its path.
There is a silent community that grows out of the fearless ones. One finds another until you have a circle stronger than any one fear could ever be. I ask you now to be fearless and be inspired. Let your muse guide you. Tie those nastily little feelings of rejection and insecurity up with the heaviest robe and sink it to the bottom of the sea!
For days now I have felt this strange presence around me. I will walk into a room and its as if someone has just left. Or I will be climbing the stairs and the muffled sound of footsteps seems to follow close behind. Or a mysterious music will play off in the distance and now as I write this I wonder if that presence that so silently floats in and out of my awareness is my muse… she is saying, “Hey please pay attention to me.”
I challenge myself to do something crazy…. Something wild… wild in the sense that I am stepping out of my comfort zone. I don’t know about you but I have a whole list of things that I “Want to do but cant because…” and now I am going to look at it and mark off each thing one by one.
In the past when I have rushed head first into the dangerous territory of the unknown I have later stopped back and said, “wow… that wasn’t scary at all!” And I know now that is the magic of just taking a risk. Lets fearlessly be who we are… Lets be a tribe of brave little gypsies expressing everything that lives in our wild hearts!
© Shaheen Miro 7/4/2011