my week with marilyn

Colin Clark, an employee of Sir Laurence Olivier’s, documents the tense interaction between Olivier and Marilyn Monroe during production of The Prince and the Showgirl.

-IMBD.com

Last night I saw the movie My Week With Marilyn, starring Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe. The movie was strange, abstract and intriguing to me. There was something peculiar about the way the movie was filmed; almost like brief blimps of events strung together, to give us a picture of whom Marilyn Monroe was.

Though I have read briefly about Marilyn Monroe and I know that she had a dark, tortured and introverted side, I never knew the severity of her condition. The movie portrays her in an almost childlike manner. Her interaction with people and the world seemed to be convoluted. She wasn’t just a pretty face, that smiled and made the world light up… she had a very tortured soul.

As I was watching the movie, I started to get the impression that she was a little disturbed, to the point that she may have had some sort of mental disorder; now that’s just my speculation from the film. It was as if she wanted to be convinced that she wasn’t crazy and that she was good enough. It was painful at times to watch her because she seemed so distant, so lost and so misunderstood. People didn’t seem to know how to take her.

Her self-confidence was lacking in a big way, and you could tell in the movie that she almost felt empty… as if Marilyn was some mask that she put on for the world. She seemed conflicted, feeding off the adoration of fans, yet losing herself more and more.

The movie highlighted the contrast between her on film and off, the gap between her ability to captivate once filmed, but her almost inability to “act” in the traditional sense. At times I felt like she was almost possessed by her character… and until that moment when the spirit entered her… nothing could happen.

It must have been a scary life for her. She clearly wanted to be loved, and though the world still adores her… that was never really what she needed. What she was missing was herself. She couldn’t give up the ghost… the longer she went on, the more she lost herself, and the more she needed the camera, the lights and the people.

I can relate to the feeling of living in two worlds, when she said, “Should I be her?” There was something raw and revealing about it. She knew Marilyn was never really who she was… it was her character. We all have characters we play, don’t we?

If you haven’t seen it yet… I suggest you do. It’s interesting. Give it time to grow on you. I wasn’t sure I liked it until the end. Now I feel a connection to her. The woman behind the starlight really spoke to me.

 

© Shaheen Miro 12/18/2012

feeling renewed

Lately I have felt unable to write here. Sometimes writing to me is like being haunted, you can feel the presence of something looming, stalking, roaming somewhere behind you. I sometimes stop and ask, “what are you? What do you want to say?” But only when the ghost is ready does it answer.

Sometimes I write things and I read back and think, “wow that’s exactly how I feel!” and other times I look at the page, a little jaded, thinking my attempt to capture a feeling seems half hearted and worn out. But I gently remind myself that it’s all part of the journey and I just keep writing. I try to stay in motion.

Yesterday I spent time with a friend that I made here in London. He is a wonderful person. Though I’ve only known him for a short while, I can tell he is genuine… One of those people you can trust with anything.

Him and I spent the day at the market and then we had tea and talked in the park. We went to the market so I could get this bracelet I saw there a few days before. Its a silver cuff in the form of an owl that’s wings wrap around your wrist. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her and she stayed with me… So I had to go back and get her. After searching through stalls and stalls we finally found her again.

I wrote a poem about five years ago called the Haunting Owl. It was inspired by me seeing an owl in the daylight three distinct times all within a few days of each other. Now I feel like I’ve found her…in London. I will cherish this piece because it brings the spirit of that poem to life and it reminds me that there are those moments when the spirit of your words come to life and take flight.

So ending my day with my friend, we sat in the park by a church and talked about life and writing and music. We shared our stories, adding a much needed spark of inspiration to both of our lives. In the park were flowers and herbs and near to where we sat was a sage bush. It’s leaves were beautiful silver green and I spotted it the moment we sat down. I have always loved sage. I picked a few leaves, rubbed them together takin in their essence. Then gently tucked them into my journal as a symbol of cleansing and renewal.

It was a great day. Sometimes you need something in your life that just recharges you. It’s often the simple things. Time with a caring friend. The cool breeze of a park scented by sage. And a warm cup of mint tea.After all the rioting and the chaos that ensued I was left feeling a little abandoned and somewhat afraid. But I soon realized that I have a micro family here. People really showed they cared and it touched me. I feel more at ease now and yesterday helped bring me back to center.

I looked at my calendar this morning. I only have a few weeks left here and now I feel I will truly miss it. It has been magical, emotional and life changing. I’ve seen so much in such a short time. Another chapter of my life has been written, another facet to my journey. I came here to grow and I have and London will always be a part of me.

I hope all of you are doing well. Give me an update. Share your stories with me. I hope no matter what your doing… I hope your still dreaming. The worlds big, it’s badass and sometimes it pulls us under, but if you keep sight of something with meaning you will make it.

“I watched it burn. I watched them learn. I watched us pull from the ash something of change. I watched them cry. I watched them laugh. I watched them love again. So the haunting owl whispered on the wind.”

Love you,
Shaheen

 

(c) Shaheen Miro 8/15/2011

fire burning

I wanted to write to you, but I don’t really know what to say. I am overwhelmed at the moment with everything that is happening. Here in London there has been an outbreak of riots and they all began in Tottenham about three blocks from the flat I am staying in.

The night it all began it sounded like a warzone outside. The helicopters were so loud and they loomed overhead, ominous and cold and as I watched out the window the thick sent of smoke wafted in warning that something was to come. Looking out flames began to rise over the rooftops of the quaint little houses. They licked the sky like a dragon, burning a relentless path through the lives of helpless people.

Why would anyone feel that it’s okay to harm other people in this way? These fires were set intentionally, as a way of retaliating against the police for killing an innocent man. I don’t know about the man who was killed or the events that took place that night, but I do know that people were acting like animals… using the death of a man to rationalize their complete disregard for life and community.

It’s sad to see pictures of what’s left of the High Road, nothing but the shell of something before, haunted by the shadow of anger and greed. It’s really shocking to know that something like this could happen so fast. The whole thing just felt out of control. It was pure chaos. I wonder if those people realize that they destroyed their community and further segregated themselves. I pray for them and I pray that everyone is safe and can pick up the pieces and start over.

Being in this hostile and uncertain environment has made me feel on edge. It’s unnerving to not know what’s next. People keep saying that it will all clear up in the next few days, but I keep wondering if that’s true. They’ve gotten a taste and now they want more, hopefully these people are stopped soon.

I keep going back to that night seeing the fire rising high into the night sky. It’s weird to say that I felt a symbolic connection with that fire. I came here to learn something about myself, found myself here in this part of the city and I watched it burn to the ground… in that fire was a part of me. Something old died in the flames, something was taken from me and now I look out at the world seeing things differently. For now it feels tarnished and unsettled… but in time I will begin to see better with these new eyes.

It’s surreal to have seen so much of London and to have experienced so much here. I have permission to return home because of the riots, but for now I will stay because I don’t feel like I am ready to return home. There is something left here to be recovered. It’s not the first time I’ve seen the fire… and it’s not the first time I’ve pulled something from the ashes. Until that last fragment is recovered here, I cannot return to the states.

I am in another area of the city, spending time in the cozy flat of a very gracious friend. Sipping on warm chamomile and listening to the rumble of the train, I feel at ease with life. Being in London has been an adjustment in every sense of the word. I have had to fling myself fearlessly into this situation and not look back. I feel very at ease with change now. I am learning to dance effortlessly with life…letting go of rigid thoughts and feelings.

I wish all of you well and I ask that you send your prayers to the people of London who have been affected by the riots. I ask that a gentle rain fall over the city cleansing it of the pain, the anger and the destruction. I ask that the angels stand tall at every door, gate and town square, safe guarding those who live there from the malicious hands of others.

With love,

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 8/9/2011

daily card: the ten of hearts

Someone once told me I live in a fantasy world and that I needed to get back to reality and I instantly thought, “oh yeah because you’re having a blast out there!” I think we all need to walk the line between fantasy and reality…our imagination and fantasies are the way we communicate with the universe. I doubt that most successful people detest dreaming.

I once watched an interview of Lady Gaga in which they asked her how it felt to be so famous and she basically responded, “oh I was famous before anyone knew me!” you have to live life like it’s the reality you want. Don’t worry about what people think! Affirm to yourself, “I am fearlessly being me!” and then do the damn thing…but be gentle.

I try to look at the world with child like eyes, seeing the wonders in even the simplest things. You don’t tell children not to be fantastical or imaginative and if you did they would ignore you. But somewhere along the way we get it stuck in our heads that we need “to grow up”! Rigid thoughts and feelings about life and it’s possibilities will only bring you unhappiness and a lack of resources. Imagination is the fertilizer of the seeds of our dreams and goals.

I plan to go out with a bang. I’m taking in life like a child in a candy store. Have a healthy view of things, don’t put too much pressure on your self when manifesting. For example it may be difficult to believe you can manifest a million dollars, though you could, why not start with something smaller. The more you manifest the more confident you become. And it keeps happening more and more with ease.

To my friend who told me I live in a fantasyland, I have to agree. I wouldn’t change it for anything. He isn’t very happy either…bless his soul. My wild ideas have taken me to some amazing places and I am thankful for that.

The card I pulled today is the ten of hearts/cups. This card is a card that represents success and appreciating the work you’ve put in. I also see this card as connecting with family and loved ones. I think we all need a support group who can build you up and inspire you.

I pulled this card this morning missing my mom. I felt like for me it was saying she is proud of me following my dreams. She has been very inspiring and supportive and I believe that she has given me the gift of dreaming. Maybe you are feeling like you need a new circle of friends. Or you might feel like you are distant from someone you love and it’s taking it’s tole on you. Reconnect with them if you can.

This card is telling you that the success you are reaching for is here it’s everywhere…just reach up and grab it. Don’t make it work and don’t beat yourself up over “failures”. This card is also reminding you that there is power in numbers so connect with a group.. The collective energy gives you more drive to manifest your desires.

I try to look at life like an epic adventure..nothings to lofty of a goal in my opinion… Then again I could be a silly dreamer.

Do it gypsies… rock and roll and never take second best!

Much love
Shaheen

(c) Shaheen Miro 8/2/2011

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daily card: the nine of hearts

Yesterday was one of those days that once you make it to the end you just want to fall over with exhaustion. Work can be so taxing on your body, mind and spirit. Sometimes I feel like I can’t look at the same pattern again…but it’s worth seeing a garment emerge from all the chaos.

I Worked a few hours later to finish up, so I stopped to get something to eat before getting on the bus. There was a young man working who I stayed and chatted with for a bit. He was interested to know if I was a student and I explained to him that I am interning here in London. His eyes were lit with a strange excitement. For a moment I felt him vicariously experiencing my trip. He said to me, “you’re very lucky, you know that. Enjoy it”

I walked away thinking about his words. It was kind of him to chat with me and to remind me how important all of this is. I am lucky and I appreciate every moment that I have and I cherish the memories that I am able to make here. But it doesn’t come without hard work.

Once I finally made it home I wanted to go to bed. But I fought the urge to sleep for a bit. I chatted with friends online and the I had the urge to write. I’ve needed to sort through my emotions. When so many things change In such a short span of time it’s liberating and terrifying all at once. I wrote about what’s happened the past few years and I read through old poems and journal entries.

Two years ago I set out on another journey. I moved from home to go to school. I found my own apartment and pulled together all the resources I could. Some people in my life were pessimistic about the whole thing…insisting that I would never be able to afford it. But I did and I never let it bring me down. That’s how I got here to London. I took a dream and I asked the dream to unfold with me.

I remember siting in my new studio alone writing about life and change and contemplating all of my transformations…the same as now. The magic of life is that it’s a changeless change. We take steps to become who we’ve always been in someways. You have to be grounded in who you are right now and where you’re going.

I was afraid then. I was young and it was all new and I had no clue what to expect, but I packed my dreams and all my special things and I went for it and I love where I am now. Being here in London is another facet of that transformation.

Before I went to bed…well before sleep took me over, I wrote about where I am now. There were words in my heart that I was compelled to spill out. In words you can get it all out and really heal your soul.

I finally gave in to sleep and as I drifted off I thought about all the beautiful adventures I’ve been on. Looking back at them all I see how they blessed me, no matter how dark they felt at the time. I fell asleep knowing that I am where I’m meant to be.

This morning I pulled the nine of cups. I call this the wish card. It always symbolizes to me that what you’ve been pulling to you is coming to be. This card is about honoring emotions and feelings. No matter how you feel you must listen to it…ask the feeling where it comes from and how it serves you.

If you listen to your feelings and find their gift you will learn to navigate through every bend in the road. Our emotions are Indicators of where we are at this moment. What are you resisting and/or embracing?

I am sitting here now trying to stay grounded. I’m taking in my feelings about this trip and letting it all inspire me…I’m settled knowing that my efforts are paying off. I’m still young and wide eyed and still going with the wind. It’s important to me to dedicate myself to something uplifting and inspiring. I’m reminded by this card that my wishes are being fulfilled in more ways than I know…as long as I keep going forward.

Enjoy the day and expect a gift soon. Even if it’s a moments reprieve from the stress you are under. Contemplate your feelings…what is their source?

Much love,
Shaheen

(c) Shaheen Miro 8/1/2011

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daily card: the hanged man

Have you ever felt as if you were being held in suspended animation, like something was keeping you from going forward and no matter how hard you try it never changes? Sometimes it feels like punishment, constantly answering to other people’s expectations. I think we often feel this way when we are stuck in a position that we don’t want to be in, but for some reason or another we think we have to be.

I’m tired of life demanding things out of me that don’t set with my soul. What is good and right and ideal isn’t always what speaks to this little nomad. I want to go where I feel colorful and alive. I want to go where the lights shine and the music play and everyone is swirling around with nothing on but love and spirit. I know you’ve felt this way too.

One principle I have held tightly to is respect. Often people expect to be respected for no real reason at all. People throw that word around far too much. Respect your elders, respect the system, respect your spouse. But what we should be respecting is our souls…and the souls of each other. I don’t think it matters who you are… Trusting in your spirit and you journey is far more important than respecting someone else’s wishes just for respecting sake.

I have this rant often because I feel like things are constantly holding people back and it’s sad. I don’t want to feel that way in my life. I want to see it all, feel it all and let my wild heart just dance. We should all be living not enduring. Stepping out of line isn’t always bad. Be spiritually rebellious!

I pulled the hanged man today. A major arcana card is a big energy to pull and represents more spiritual matters. When I looked at this card he whispered, “see life in reverse.” and I thought about how profound that is. It’s exactly what I’ve been talking about…looking at life sideways. Why not do a whole summersault?

The hanged man is a magical character because though he looks inactive, suspended and trapped he is completely content and very busy. I see him as a spiritual guru connecting with the universe allowing the old and worn out, the ego to slip from the crown of his head. Or he is Thor allowing the knowledge to run from his mind to create the runes. Either way he is active, in motion and creating. He sees life from a vantage point that far to many of us fail to see.

Seeing the hanged man makes me rethink my bound up feelings. I want to see it upside down, I want to head bang with the universe! I’m respecting my spiritual call. I’m going to see the unacknowledged opportunities around me. I think it’s best that I step away from what conflicts with me. It’s not worth my time.

Sometimes I think hanging upside down may be exhilarating. Maybe visions would come, maybe your third eye would open more. I believe the hanged man is a nomad as well…he is the hermit meditating on divinity. This card makes me want to wonder the desert, wrapped in exotic textiles…nothing but sand, time and mystery.

I wish you all well on finding your new vision

Much love,

Shaheen

(c) Shaheen Miro 7/31/2011

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daily card: the three of wands

Today is such a beautiful day. I woke up this morning feeling really great. Something about the day feels grounded and at ease. I hope to keep that feeling with me.

Two of my friends are staying with me for a few days and I am so excited to see them. It’s great to have familiar faces around. I really missed both of them and we always have a blast together. People tend to be so much more adventurous together.

Last night we decided to go out. We visited a little pub close to my flat, which we’ve been to before. It’s the best little place… filled with tons of people, everyone dancing and best of all theres karaoke. You know that this little gypsy loves to sing.

So we dance and had a few drinks. Took in the crowed and really pulled in the lively spirit. Watching karaoke is always this mixture between humor and awe. Everyone there really put there heart into it.

So when it was my turn to sing I took to the stage and naturally rocked out. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m a bit of a rock and roll..gypsy! The crowed was moving. I was singing, channeling a little Janis and really just have fun. I think it’s in moments like those that you let down your guard and just take in life. It was a blast!

On the ride home my friends and I rode in the back of the crowded double-decker bus. We sat there facing eachother, each of us tired eyed, yet some how life and dreams came up. We carried on together about how we are ready to love and take take our dreams and run with them.

Its surreal for three friends from Ohio to be here in this big city of London for no other reason than we wanted to be. It made me realize how fearless we are sometimes. I think it’s in those moments of uncertainty the most magic happens. You have to live life knowing that each thing you do is another story, another facet and another part of you.

My best friend and I have this conversation all the time. Sometimes it feels like university is holding us back. We are young, beautiful and ready to live our dreams. We are ready to make love and art. But it’s all in good time.

This morning I pulled the three of wands and I instantly saw the three of us taking chances and going after opportunities. There is something freeing about looking at your life and feeling like you are giving yourself to something you love, it’s not always possible as a career, but even in your free time (make it if need be) you should find something that you are passionate about.

All of us are on an epic adventure, whether you know it or not. Some of us will quietly sit on the train and watch life pass by only seeing the magnificent things through a window and others will take the time to stop and really be active on the journey… I want to be one of those people.

The three of wands reminds you to live life, not endure it and in the unfolding of it all you must find something to enjoy. Never look back and wish you would have…look back and remember that you did!

Life starts by dreaming because it’s in dreaming that we tell the universe what we want and need. Wands ask us to communicate and the the three of wands reminds you that there is more to life than what you see. Take advantage of every opportunity.

“she stepped out on the stage filled with fear and wonder. The crowed roared and the lights flashed. As she stepped to the microphone, looking out at the sea of people she thought, ‘i’m living my dream!’ and together they made love and art… They shared it all.”

Never stop… With love

Shaheen

(C) Shaheen Miro 7/30/2011

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daily card: the ace of pentacles

In my life things are constantly moving. I never know what’s coming next and I work to stay grounded even in the storm. My mother taught me that spirit never gives you more than you can bear and I speak from experience… She is correct.

Sometimes you feel worn out and weak. You just want to step away from it all and head home. The road can be dark and the task of it all exhausting, but the magic comes in those silent moments when you think back on what you’ve seen.

I have seen many devastating things in my life and I have seen the most beautiful sights. I wrap them all in gold and hold them in my heart because they have brought me here. Sometimes life feels like it’s tearing you down so that you can see how strong you really are.

Let’s send love to the ones who burn with pain, who feel that here is no where left to go. I ask for their souls to be set free. Let’s give them our blessing and take to the road in their honor. You have the power if you just find the will… Look to someone who inspires you to pull you through.

This morning I pulled the ace of pentacles. This card is so appropriate in so many ways. It speaks of new beginnings, foundations and hard work paying off.

My best friend just arrived in London this morning and she is one of those people who build me up. She is my partner in crime and together we can do anything. Her being here makes this trip seem that much more important.

I know that this card is also telling me that something great is on it’s way, I’ve put in the work and now the rewards will follow. I needed get back to my center, to my foundation for this to be.

Being in London has been a stepping stone on my journey. I’ve asserted my independence and I’ve stepped away from things that I didn’t need in my life. A little healing was needed and I am finding it. I’ve learned what I want and what I don’t want and I’ve seen myself grow. There are illusions I had that have been shattered and my new thought suit who I am now much better.

The ace of pentacles reminds you that what you need is on it’s way. A sense of security and foundation is finding you. I believe we have all had our share of uncertainty with the economy and the government and everything else that bombards us daily, but remember to ground and center… It’s the best medicine. If you’ve been putting in the hard work and feeling like you should be seeing results now, the ace is here to tell that you will. Things are coming into fruition. You are about to begin a new journey, with new people and new lessons.

I find myself closing my eyes more and taking in the sounds and the darkness behind my lids. I ask to step gently into the mystery of the universe. I welcome this new beginning with open heart and wings. I hope you do the same.

Find the little moments of magic left in this big, bad and very misunderstood world. There is beauty all around please see it, embrace it and then add to it ten fold.

Love you gypsies,

Shaheen

(c) Shaheen Miro 7/29/2011

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wandering with friends… and faeries

Yesterday was a perfect day, filled with fun, friendship and tarot! I had the wonderful opportunity to meet my blogger friend, Prince LeNormand, face to face. Him and I began our day in Seven Dials starting with tea and a good chat about life and tarot, and all the things in between. And in our conversation we found that we share so many interests in common.

There was something refreshing about speaking with someone who shares my interest and ideas and being able to actually connect with someone here that I wouldn’t be able to connect with if I weren’t, made it even more delightful. My outlook on this trip was really renewed and I now feel like London is a part of me.

Him and I spent our time browsing through hundreds of tarot decks at a few different stores, and I was overwhelmed at all the beautiful cards to choose from. My dear friend was a wealth of information on decks and he helped me immensely in choosing my new gift to myself.

After finally making a purchase we made our way to lunch and talked a bit more. The day was just great because it was beautiful out and the streets were alive with people enjoying the sun. There were so many shops with magical treasures that called to my spirit. And when we visited the market… I couldn’t handle all the shinny, pretty things. I wanted them all!

Once I made my way I home I finally took my new deck out of the box and thumbed through all the cards and the pages of the book. I am so happy I picked The Heart of Faerie Oracle as my neck deck. Brain Froud is an amazing artist and I love being pulled into his little Faerie world. If you aren’t familiar with him please look him up, you wont be disappointed. I believe he really does give us a glimpse into the world that lives next to our own.

These cards are stunning. They come out at you, with life, energy and grace. The characters are truly spirits living somewhere, calling to us through a thin veil. I was taken back by the messages I received when flipping them over… as if the cards were telling my story word for word.

I slept with my new deck under my pillow last night, as my mother always told me to do… so that I could connect with the images. It was odd because I dreamt about a woman with thick, wild black hair… that reached out around her face like mighty tree branches, tangled with dark, oily spiders webs. She spoke to me hastily as if she were trying to get somewhere… and as she approached me she pulled from her pocket a pair of shinny shears that flashed like the moon on the most velvety night. And she began cutting my hair… madly cutting my hair and locks flew from side to side.

I was frozen as I watched her facial expressions and my hair. She was so intense. I cannot remember what she spoke about. Just about how it had to go… It just had to go. She wasn’t frightening and I didn’t feel threatened. It just felt abrupt. Was that a visit from Faery?

Today I pulled a few cards to share with all of you. The cards decided to show up, two of which I encountered last night: The Lady of Faith, The Gift, and In Two Minds. I found them to work extremely well together and interestingly enough; they were all similar in their color. Some of the cards in the deck are very, very colorful… and others are all sepia, and gray tones.

The first card, The Lady of Faith is a card the represents our need to keep our hearts open. I myself have had times in my life… more often that I would like, where it hurt so bad to love people. Not just romantically, but just plain and simply love… You cannot control others actions, their thoughts or feelings. People are like storms and so is love.

When love hurts us we begin to internalize that feeling. We start to allow the pain to creep into every crack in our being and settle in. We grow ill and fragile. Our confidence dwindles and we have no faith left in anything. Sometimes this manifest as excess weight. But the Lady of Faith ask you to let go of the out come of love… she ask you to give love to yourself, but to release the pain of not having love gifted back… in the way you see fit. There is an abundance of love in the universe if you tap into the source of it.

The second card, The Gift, is a dangerous looking broad. She wears a mask and stand stoic and intimidating. She holds in her hand something unrecognizable, a gift nonetheless. Often gifts come out of a lesson learned, and lessons learned are often scary because they mean you must dance with the dark… the unknown. She represents the unknown.

Her gift to you, through the fear and the struggle is wisdom. Though she may appear intimidating, she is actually very loving and she gives to you this special gift because you’ve earned it. She expects that you use it well, so listen to your inner voice or pay the price.

The third card, In Two Minds, is a card that we all know far too well. This is the faerie that lives in our heads. The constant chattering that comes at the most inopportune times. In Two Minds represents the arguments that we have with our selves about the most ridiculous things. He is a sweet little guy, but he’s confused. He reminds us that what seems to be a “big deal” is often nothing more than us not trusting in ourselves…. So let it go.

These three cards together are powerful. The Lady of Faith ask us to open our hearts, The Gift, urges us to move forward with wisdom and grace, and In Two Minds gently reminds us that our fears are nothing more than illusions and that we need only let go our the “argument” and continue on the path.

I hope all of you are well… and I hope this message finds you in a good place.

Wander on… with love

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 7/26/2011

daily tarot card: the seven of wands

I came to London to gain a fresh perspective on life, to be free and explore. I came here because I felt like I would be able to let go of certain things in my life, move on and be refreshed. There isn’t anything bad that I needed to get away from at home, it was just time for a change… time to begin a new chapter in my life, with new energy and new feelings. But its hard. No matter where you are you still carry your emotions with you.

Sometimes its surreal being here. I feel as if I am secluded at times and others times it feels like I am so free and that there isn’t anything in the world I can’t do, but then I stop and wonder if it will all be the same when I return home… but I’ve changed so I guess it cant be. I still feel as if there is so much more to explore, so much to see and do. I want to take it all in and not miss a beat of the new adventure I am on.

I only have 39 days left until I leave London. It’s surreal thinking about it… about being here, leaving here, knowing that i’ve been here this long already. I have mixed feelings. part of me wants to return home and the other part just loves it here. Its a process for me though, a healing journey and when the time comes to leave I believe that what needed to happen here… will have happened.

I am spending the day with a fellow blogger. We will be enjoying the day with tarot, books and I hope some yummy coffee or tea. I’m happy to have someone to enjoy the day with and be able to talk about some of my interest. So many wonderful people come into my life… its magic. I appreciate all of my friends, new and old. I know today will be another wonderful memory here in London.

This morning I pulled the seven of wands as the daily card. Its interesting to me that wands have been visiting. I believe its because I need to embrace my creative side a little more. I know we all have those moments in our life when we feel as if we are holding back a little. It can be hard to step outside of the box, especially when you are someplace new, with out any of your supporters.

The image on this card is so striking to me. The man is pushed up against the wall with fiery wands coming at him. He Looks defenseless in some ways, yet he looks very able bodied and he has a shield which he has facing behind him. Looking at this I hear the phrase, “Get up agains the wall.” It’s almost startling to see this.

To me this card is about bravery. This card is telling us to step outside of our box, step into the line of fire if you have to… just come out of hiding. For me this card is speaking to my introvertedness since I arrived in London. I am usually an outgoing person and very confidant and unafraid to talk to most people, but being in London sometimes makes me feel so distant, alien and unable to connect with people. Part of it seems to be that I know I am not here for fun… its an internship and I know I will be leaving soon, but I have to be courageous and do something spontaneous.

“Get up against the wall”… to me is a reminder to us that we need to stop pushing ourselves to a place where we feel helpless. Be brave, step outside of your box, but don’t be harsh. Don’t over do it. Be kind to your feelings, and your inuition… but explore a little.

I pray that today is a day of great enjoyment… and I pray from here on to the end of my trip I stop outside of what feels comfortable… away from the wall. I believe when we step away from the wall so to speak, what we perceive as a threat becomes nothing more than an illusion.

Be free and be creative…

Much love,

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 7/25/2011