Re-post: As All This Comes to An End

For the past few days the Ancient Feminine Wisdom deck has been on my mind, so while I was cleaning this evening I pulled it out. These cards are so beautifully illustrated with goddesses and heroines of Greek mythology. I decided to pull a card, asking for insight that would be relevant to everyone.

I pulled Demeter, which fittingly says at the bottom, “Letting Go”. This card is gorgeous, illustrated with the Goddess standing in a field of grain. She is an Earth goddess and is often linked with the cycles of the season’s… birth, growth, death and rebirth. She is the bringer of the winter and summer. She is the goddess of the harvest. And because of her connection to Persephone, her daughter… she represents the feelings of loss, grief and letting go.

Demeter is a reminder to us to let go of what has weighed us down this past year. It is time to let go of the worn out thoughts and feelings, the perceived failures and heartaches. It is time to walk away from the pain and disappointment and know that a new year is upon us… the wheel is beginning to turn again and a new opportunity is coming for you.

The New Year is a time of starting new projects, adapting new ideas and philosophies. It’s a time to begin doing things you have felt you should do all year, but didn’t have the courage to. Because we all respond to cycles and changes, this is the perfect time of year to allow yourself to make a shift in thinking.

Instead of just making a list of new years resolutions… also make a list of all things you want to let go of. Take your list of goals, dreams and resolutions and burn a pure white candle over them as a prayer for Divine assistance… and in that candles flame light the paper with all the things you are letting go of… and release them. Cast their ashes to the wind. This is a symbolic gesture of letting go of the old and manifesting the new.

Happy New Year and good luck to you. Sending you many blessings and pure energy.

To the gypsies… with love,

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 2011

Creative Writing: Bodies

I cannot bare it any longer. I have to tell him. I have to let him know. The pain of each night, bodies touching but hearts still left lonely. Nothing will ever be said, no spoken words and lack of emotion. I could look you in the eye, bare my soul, but you would turn me away again; cold shoulder, avoiding all the pain.

You may not say what you feel, but I know there is something. Dark and looming, eating at your soul. It’s consuming the joy and happiness in your eyes. If you would only come out and say what it is. If you would let the pain have words and fly again. There is no reason to keep emotions locked away.

I watch you daily burning and writhing. You could stop it you know. You could be free. I’m not asking for fantasies, I am just asking for truth. You can’t even entertain fantasies anymore. There is only silence, unbearable, dark silence. If it’s left unsaid then I guess it doesn’t exist.

Why do we have to question motives and feelings? Is there even any feeling left? Bodies. I believe we are just bodies looking for homes. We wonder where the soul has gone. Absorbed into the abyss of our loneliness and longing. I know that you’ve pulled me under.

Please stop making me a part of your danger, your slow descent into hell. There is no coming back if you go there. Now you just linger in limbo. But if you go father you will never come back and I have grown to weak to find you. I can barely find you in my sateen sheets.

There are prayers everyday. But they are never heard. I have been searching for a savoir in your eyes and now I realize I am the one who can save me. I am the only one left sane enough to walk away. Though my eyes have grown dark as well. Fighting. We are fighting another day. What are we fighting for?

I sit here pulling dark smoke into my lounges. Pouring my soul out in words on blank pages. I play for you everyday, but you never hear me. You can’t even hear my words; let alone what lives behind them. I can play all my songs for you, but you will never change.

Even if I captivate you for a few seconds I can feel your attention slip away. Another shinny thing catches your eye, and there’s no way I can compare to that danger. I’m not one of them. I’ve never been. Not beautiful enough or damaged. You like them a little rough around the edges. You like them unwell. Maybe you are breaking me down until I am incoherent enough for you to love.

She used to sing to me, reminding me that it would be okay. But I no longer listen to her sad songs because I’ve become part of her choir. We are poets and priest of nothing…. That’s what Stevie said. But maybe someday we will be legends.

Stand up again, self-righteous. Stand up and look at me like an equal. Don’t coddle me. Don’t protect me. Unless you can damage your own reflection, Narcissus, there is nothing you can do here. You cannot save me.

Fighting shadows, never realizing you cast the monsters in your path. You cast monsters in my dreams, to the point that waking is nothing but a nightmare. I will never be able to settle into feeling again. I will never be able to ride quite the same. I lost something out there.

You may call me crazy. I am insane. I am an Echo. I can only repeat this pain. Again and again… giving back what you’ve given. I am your mocking bird. Your caged bird. Here I am, ready to sing. Listen to me. Can you please, listen to me?

Another night sitting across from you, trying to explain myself. I am foolish, stumbling over words and explanations. I can be irrational. But you try to rationalize your own insanity. You use pain as excuses, but do you think that really justifies your torment. You cannot be a heartbreaker just because someone made you that way.

Maybe we’ll make it out. Maybe I’ll be saved. Maybe you’ll finally go away. You want to find paradise in all the wrong places. You can lay down with your doll again, but in the morning the sunlight will show the cracks. Is that what you want? To find your-self in something that is breaking.

It makes sense now. You want what you can’t have. So you chase after the opposite thing. You look for yourself in broken reflections because you think if they are more broken than you, then no one will ever see the pain, the flaws, all the things you hate.

Stop! Just stop searching and be. For once in your life be here now, be here with yourself. Be here with me. You can’t do it though. You never could and you never will. You’re a thrill seeker. It’s all for the show. When the lights go down, the darkness comes out and you will die again.

If only I could be that broken reflection, more beautiful than all the treasure in the world, but you can’t see it. I’ve pointed it out, I’ve written about it. I’ve tried to make you feel something more.  That’s the trouble really. You want the last word. We are too strong for each other, yet too far gone to make it okay. I’ll be here when you come home. Just another Echo.

© Shaheen Miro

 

forgiveness entered me

I realize that there is no one to blame; not for the way we are feeling. You are distant and I am stumbling. I want everything. You can give me… nothing. I’m not angry anymore… It wasn’t your intention. You never meant to break my heart. You only handled me the way you’ve learned to.

Something shook me, bringing me closer to my center. I stepped back from the mirror, wiped the fog away… I looked at myself, for a change. Words started to come out again, the truth was revealed. I spoke. I secretly forgot about me. You forgot about you. Why do we seek treasure in all the wrong places?

You believed yourself unworthy, and I based my self-worth on your doctrine; written out there in the darkest places. I came back to the middle, where it first began. I went back to meet the past, face to face, reminded of my strange beauty, before the lifeless bled my life away. I am renewed.

In the dark you have begun to glow. In the dark I’ve begun to forgive. There was music, when I went to the Church and lit the candle. The words were unfamiliar, another language. But I recognized the feeling of forgiveness. Forgiveness is gentle like the spirit of a child or an animal; forgiveness entered me.

Once I crossed the ocean and sent my peace offering, the soul could begin to float. You knew I would leave again. I heard the voice, in London. It was an awakening. A light entered my head, and a stream of awareness began to feed into me. Now I am finding it… off in the distance it echoes. I’m following its song.

Your voice is soothing and harsh, yet I am warmed to know you are there. On the other end, where your life is unfolding. I am sending you warm blessings, as you venture into the future. We are closer now than ever. I let go of expectation. I stopped crushing you under the weight. I kept you falling, though you never knew. So now I am here singing… you are there winning. Maybe this is healing.

I will never forget the nights we touched. The times you shared your pain with me. You know every part of me. You’ve studied me. You could recreate my portrait. I know you inside. I know your voice. We are in each other. I live in a glass cage, on a pedestal… in your heart. I won that right.

They can come close to matching me. They have what I wanted. Still I have what they never will. You will show them all my dreams, and secretly you will keep all the love for me. I am safe there. I am not afraid of forgiving…forgiving brings clarity. I’m not clouded anymore, by the weight of you and me.

© Shaheen Miro 1/31/2012

memento mori

There was something dangerous, sparkling in your eyes. You were hypnotic, like a deadly viper ready to suck the life from my body and soul. I was paralyzed by your poison, the second you touched my lips. I went under softly, quietly. I began to slip away.

There was a numb feeling that lingered heavy in my bones. It made my headache with the sticky sent of sandalwood and perspiration. You were worshipping me, and yet I was the sacrifice that preceded your descent, into the unfaithful underworld. No one knew what you were saying, behind your worlds… only me.

The haunting repeated nightly, the same ritual of sleep, and nightmare, and kiss and touch… and remembering again, and again. The things that could never change; your destiny. You were the one that said, love was the sin. I never questioned one word, nor did I deceive you.

I now know that the truth must be spoken, before the lie becomes too real. So many nights did we lie, never speaking a word of what weighed heavy on our hearts and minds. You were so cold and I was misguided. Two children should never be given a loaded gun, as we blew ourselves beyond recognition of the pure things we once were.

Do you still feel my heartbeat in your ear, as an imprint that will forever live in the scar tissue of your memories? I am not going anywhere, no matter how long it takes for you to get it right. I may change, but haven’t I always been a part of your metamorphosis? You couldn’t get beyond this shadow if you tried, and I thought you were the real king.

Renegades and thieves. They fought to get here to where I held tightly to your china doll eyes. I had everything in my hands, even if I had dropped it a time or two. The cracks were filled. A little memento mori. They can come and say their prayers at night, gently tucked away at my knees. Would you hear them?

The weights are still on me, the heaviness of your body, coiled around mine. I am suffocating. Then I wake up. I see soft, thick smoke, hanging over me in the nighttime. My eyes will never adjust to this madness. You can be a million miles away and even in the darkness of a room, with closed windows and doors… you find me. I lit that candle by my bedside, called on the Gods and dedicated it to your memory.

They dance with the dead sometimes, I hear… down there in the dungeon. You keep going there to repeat your pain. You used to dance with me. If the lips are red, does that mean they are alive? I have looked in the eyes of many dead men… and if you believe the lie just right… they can live again. You were the one dancing with a ghost. You can convalesce your life away.

I hear the moon will grow dark in a few days. So I have nailed all my sorrows and troubles to a board of the purest pine and I have wrapped it in black silk. I will pour vinegar and holy water over it and lay it to rest at the cross roads. Maybe the screaming will subside as Hecate swallows all my pain.

Don’t worry my little sleeping prince, my renegade… even if you are not the real king… I will still believe you. I may say one thing, but read the words behind my lips… that’s where you’ll find the truth. It taste like a bittersweet potion, belladonna and elecampane. Don’t forget me, lingering on your tongue and lips. I will flow into the well of your soul… someday my seeds will grow.

© Shaheen Miro 1/23/2011

as all this comes to an end

For the past few days the Ancient Feminine Wisdom deck has been on my mind, so while I was cleaning this evening I pulled it out. These cards are so beautifully illustrated with goddesses and heroines of Greek mythology. I decided to pull a card, asking for insight that would be relevant to everyone.

I pulled Demeter, which fittingly says at the bottom, “Letting Go”. This card is gorgeous, illustrated with the Goddess standing in a field of grain. She is an Earth goddess and is often linked with the cycles of the season’s… birth, growth, death and rebirth. She is the bringer of the winter and summer. She is the goddess of the harvest. And because of her connection to Persephone, her daughter… she represents the feelings of loss, grief and letting go.

Demeter is a reminder to us to let go of what has weighed us down this past year. It is time to let go of the worn out thoughts and feelings, the perceived failures and heartaches. It is time to walk away from the pain and disappointment and know that a new year is upon us… the wheel is beginning to turn again and a new opportunity is coming for you.

The New Year is a time of starting new projects, adapting new ideas and philosophies. It’s a time to begin doing things you have felt you should do all year, but didn’t have the courage to. Because we all respond to cycles and changes, this is the perfect time of year to allow yourself to make a shift in thinking.

Instead of just making a list of new years resolutions… also make a list of all things you want to let go of. Take your list of goals, dreams and resolutions and burn a pure white candle over them as a prayer for Divine assistance… and in that candles flame light the paper with all the things you are letting go of… and release them. Cast their ashes to the wind. This is a symbolic gesture of letting go of the old and manifesting the new.

Happy New Year and good luck to you. Sending you many blessings and pure energy.

To the gypsies… with love,

Shaheen

© Shaheen Miro 12/30/2011