Sometimes I wake up in the morning with the light of the sun gently grazing my face, and I wish I could lay there forever. The jolt of my alarm clock for the 5th time always breaks the spell quickly. Then I stumble out of bed, half tangled in covers and my computer cord and I head for the shower. I need the fresh spay of a shower to at least half wake me up.
I won’t go through the details of how I get dressed, as it’s too painful for even me to bear. But once I finally feel confident enough to walk out the door, I have to once again mentally prepare myself to walk to the bus, and then ride it. Some how I manage.
This morning as I sat waiting for the bus, running through my daily mental conversation of, “Omg when is it coming?.. Is it coming? Did I miss it? Oh now I’m late… blah blah blah”, I had this realization that I needed to let go o fit all and just be in the moment. I have this theory that I’ve been trying to convince myself of for a while… My life is mine and so is my time! I’m not living on anyone else’s clock.
So once that big, red double decker pulled up, I stepped on and took my seat on the second floor and I listened to my iPod and I told myself that I was going to enjoy every moment of it! Its my morning, its my ride, its my time and its my means that got me there…. Why not enjoy it.
I took in the music, the sounds, the people, the colors, and the buildings. I enjoyed the morning for what it was. I didn’t worry about the clock ticking away or whether I was going to make it right on time. I let it go. Guess what… I was there on time. And I started out the day so much more peaceful.
I made myself a cup of tea and went over my daily tasks and I set out to do what I had to do. I can honestly say that today was a great day as well. The second in a row… dare I say the third times the charm. I think I am finally settling into my job, into London… and into life!
I am learning how unimportant so many things are that I give my energy to. It’s not worth the time it takes to think about it honestly. So what if someone isn’t happy with your punctuality, or your attire, or your ton of voice, or your topic of conversation. If people can’t accept you for who you are and respect your right to fully live… then send them away… with love of course.
There I was again in the bathroom of that dirty, old building at 9 am… seeing another mystery. 3 cats this time wandered the rooftops. They made me think of the movie Ally Cats. Like little gypsy beggars, all ragged and wild…. No care in the world… on an adventure. I am fond of those little explorers. For a second I wished I could climb out on the rooftop with them, nestled into the little ledges of the chimneys looking out over the foggy London morning.
I love my morning meetings with the little, furry baby Buddhas. They inspire me so much. Lets be free. Lets climb rooftops. Lets go to places we’ve never seen before. Who cares if we aren’t supposed to be there…. Who cares if its unsafe or out of the ordinary. Life is about adventure and freedom. Life is about color… staying in the lines only leaves you with a dull picture that may as well be gray.
So here I am up way too late. I should sleep. But instead I am burning candles and singing loud enough for strangers to hear me. Do I care… a little… should I? NO! You technically only live once… so why not just do it now? What is holding you back?
I feel so blessed to be here in London, doing this internship. I really like my job and my boss. At first I was filled with so many worries. I wanted to be the best, I wanted to prove myself worthy, I wanted to show how good I am. And then I said the hell with it! I am Shaheen and I am here to do what Shaheen does… I am here to live and explore and make love and art… I put my all into every moment of everything I do in life. That’s all that matters to me.
Sometimes I close my eyes and I realize how amazing life really is. How epic this adventure is that I am on… that you are on… that we are on. We are on an adventure to love, learn, grow and change. Instead of worrying about others we should just be mindful of ourselves.
Before I leave this city I am challenging myself to do something unexpected. I am challenging myself to live a little. To step outside of the velvet lined vardo that I live in… and walk the dark and dirty roads… at least for a second. I think we learn the most about who we are when we dance with whatever scares the hell out of us!
So to my fears I ask, “May I have this dance?” Lets see where it takes me….
© Shaheen Miro 7/21/2011