Finding your place of power begins by locating your point of pain and resistance. Your healing cannot begin without knowing what hurts, and why. Stepping deep into your pain takes bravery and observance. You must suspend the need to judge before exploring, or turn away before really seeing. Which of course is never an easy task!
Who wants to look at their pain when turning the other way seems much easier? But the pain always crops up again. It will rear its head when you least expect it! Often times, stronger and more tenacious than before.
I have an optimistic outlook. I like to focus on the positive, and look for the silver lining in every dark cloud. Which often is a gift in the darkest of times, but can easily lead me off course, sailing through torrent seas and into resistance… no land in sight, no ground to stand on, and nothing solved.
Before I go further let me explain resistance.
Resistance is when you oppose the natural course and flow of your life, your spirit, your experience and the Universe. Choosing to continue doing something even when it hurts. Not saying goodbye when the time comes. Not honoring the signs that it’s a no go. When you are in resistance to an experience your are in pain! Psychic and emotional pain, that quickly turns into physical pain!
Ignoring a pain is not does not shirk its influence if you are still engaged with the source.
You might view your pain as a weakness. Faced with weakness you begin focusing on your strength. There is immense power in knowing what you are already in the flow with. But only focusing on what is working, does not disengage you from what isn’t. Your life has many areas that make up your whole experience. One might be healthy, vibrant, flowing and expansive. If another area has completely atrophied then your not living whole.
Those atrophied areas are actually blank canvases to activate your innate magic and potential.
Lately I have been working intently on creating more flow, prosperity and creative energy in my life. The more I put my attention on this, the more it seems to grow. The doors fly open, the magic blooms with ease. Which is all good and wonderful.
BUT THEN… I realized that is an easy area for me. The flow comes natural. I am not in resistance to this segment of my life. I began realizing that my intimate relationships needed my attention more. There was/is much healing that can happen there.
So I pivoted in that direction. I sailed straight into the darkness to make peace with the ghosts of past love, loss and connection. With the full knowledge that I am a thriving being capable of making magic happen. Going into this place of resistance allowed me to free up my energy. Now, I can flow even more into the easy areas, and reap the reward of activating these gifts buried in the resistance.
First this was difficult. Facing my fears and holding space for my pain meant I had to be honest, open and completely vulnerable. Vulnerable with what I feel. Vulnerable with what I am in control and not in control of! It was clear to me that I had to say goodbye, set boundaries, and take back my power.
So many of us choose to focus on the good in our lives out of avoidance, rather than gratitude. When you turn away from the areas of your life that aren’t working just to focus on the ones that are, you do yourself a disservice.
Say goodbye by honoring the present dynamic.
Saying goodbye is always tricky. When you decide your relationships with someone no longer works, it instantly feels like you are letting go of that person. That is false! You are saying goodbye to the old idea/connection/role. Letting someone go to become who they are right now, and allowing yourself to do the same doesn’t mean the connection is over. It means the dynamic is now current. The friendship has shifted and you are consciously choosing to engage with that new dynamic, rather than reacting from the old.
Set boundaries for what you want and need in order to thrive.
Setting boundaries means choosing when you will say: Yes and NO. Being clear about what feeds and nourishes your wellbeing is key. Know that when you are nourished in any connection, the other person is going to be equally sustained. We all benefit from each other being our whole selves.
Take back your power by looking to yourself for confirmation, clarity and answers, rather than to something/someone external.
Taking back your power is taking responsibility for your actions. How you act, engage and respond in any situation determines how your power will be invested. This means walking away from a fight. Letting go of the need to get closure from another person. Saying what you feel without incriminating the other person or situation. Standing in the center of your power means taking ownership of your part in the whole play.
You might say: My love life is dead. But at least I have a thriving career, that should be good enough! Right?
Why not activate your love life by seeing where you are in resistance? There is alway potential in the resistant places!
- Where are you in pain and resistance in your life?
- Do you feel prosperous or impoverished with your work, relationships, health or purpose?
- Can you see the roots of your resistance?
- How can you say goodbye or let go to flow more easily?
- How can you have more boundaries?
- How can you take back your power?
- Are you nourishing yourself or depleting yourself?
When I honored myself by doing these 3 things I found so much joy in the moment. The dynamic shifted instantly in a way that opened me up. The situation turned into new possibilities for everyone involved. This meant I could feel the pain, move through those feelings, and get to the other side.
This isn’t an easy process, believe me I know it first hand! Remember: Bravery + Observation = Healing. Give yourself time and space to go through this process. Revisit it again and again. Life is moving and cycling constantly… you can move with it or against it. Weather the storms by feeling the rain, shutter with the thunder and let the dark clouds blanket you. The sun will come out before long..
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© Shaheen Miro