I sit in a room brimming with noise, bordering on chaos. A heavy smoke of mind chatter and passing thoughts float through the air seeking attention, expression and form. Rain assaults the rooftops and winding streets outside with an aggressive downpour. It feels baptismal. I get lost in the cacophony of sounds until it blend together in harmony. I’m moved by this symphony… accepting chaos until it becomes clarity.
Woven between these sounds is a question of presence.
I contemplate who I am, where I am, as I am right now. So many people are in pain, trying to fight through the day, going numb to their power. We are caught in this loop of surviving, rather than finding our healing. We are trying to fit into a narrow space carved out by a world that isn’t our own, when a whole world lies within each of us just begging for expression.
Addled with anxiety and depression we are moving into a dark time of mental sickness and pain. We see people dying, killing, consuming and blaming each other because there seems to be no other way. We’ve fallen into a reactionary position transposing our personal shadow on the faces of the “other side”. Project is the coping mechanism of choice.
I wonder if we are afraid of the stillness and silence. Are they the mouthpiece of truth?
Something in me believes that if we slip into our own stillness and silence we can see the disparate connections between victim and perpetrator. Going back into my own life and my own experience with domestic violence I begin to see the sadness and humanity in this person who tried to kill me. I see how the deep seated mental and emotional wounds bleed out, causing this act of violation.
And I wonder how often we commit acts of violence against ourselves.
These cycles of hurt have to be healed. And that healing begins within. People are calling for a light. Someone or something to stop these cycles (whatever cycles these may be) and the whole time a light seems to be cradled there inside… waiting to illuminate the darkness. Ending these painful cycles in the world, begins by healing the darkness within.
When I move into the present moment I am able to intimately connect with my pain. I see my pain, my fear… my shadow as a hungry ghost. Born from some kind of tragedy, stuck in between realities, making noise and getting no attention. A hungry ghost that just wants some time, attention and affection, a chance to be heard and laid to rest.
My shadow, my hungry ghost doesn’t need my objection or my advice, it just needs my invitation and my willingness to listen. I am listening know. I want to hear a the story and find the motive. I want to know the desire… because like all ghost there is unfinished business here.
Yes, this is a heady trip.
But I invite you to ask yourself… if your pain, your fear, your anger, your grief, your sadness, your guilt, your shame, your shit… were a hungry ghost… what would it need to find peace?
In this moment I just want to dissolve the boundary and understand the pain. We are all standing at a crossroads of consciousness where we choose our intention, our point of focus and how we use this pain.
© Shaheen Miro